The Secret Life of Quinn Fabray
by scrubsrocks11
Summary: Quinn has been in love with Rachel since high school, even when it seemed they could be together it hasn't worked. Will a major incident pull them apart forever? Faberry with Brittana
1. Chapter 1

**Lima, Ohio Fall 2011**

'_It's better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life' Sister Elizabeth Kenny_

"I'm sorry I can't" Quinn pushed Sam away and ran off. "What the fuck Trotty Mouth?" Santana growled over to Sam witnessing her best friend run off with Brittany following. "If you've hurt her I swear to god!" Santana was up in Sam's confused face. "Santana I swear I didn't touch her, you know how much Quinn means to me, I swear." Santana believed the boy he was one of the good ones, unlike Puck when she had to get some backup to warn him off Quinn. "I know I know, it's just its Quinn and I panic when she does." Santana lightly punched Sam's shoulder and took off in the direction her girlfriend headed in.

"Ssshhh Q, its okay I'm here." Santana saw Quinn sobbing onto Brittany's shoulder, if it was anyone else she would have felt she was intruding but these two girls were her family so she wasn't going anywhere. "I couldn't do it, I can't do this. What's wrong with me?" Quinn mumbled against her friends shoulder. "This isn't how senior year was supposed to go." She continued on with her mumblings. Santana looked sadly on; all too frequently she had seen Quinn like this, ever since sophomore year when she lost the baby. Not everyone only herself, Brittany, Rachel and of course Judy. The best description Santana had ever been given about Quinn was by Brittany, she said Quinn was like a clam completely closed off and then every now and then she would open up a little, then slam shut when she felt someone was too close too dangerous, then on very rare days she would open up completely and expose herself, when that rare opportunity happened you had to grab it with both hands. Brittany had referred to Quinn as her clam ever since much to Quinn's own annoyance.

"Q-ball talks to us." Santana sat down slowly next to the two girls, they were sat out on the kerb in front of her house, and everyone else was partying away inside so they were safe to talk. "God I don't know where to even start." Quinn had her head resting on her hands hunched forward. "I just couldn't go through with it, I didn't feel anything." Santana nodded having worked out what was going on. "Q just because you didn't feel anything with Sam doesn't mean there isn't some other great guy out there for you. I thought you liked him though?" Quinn nodded. "So did I." Brittany and Santana exchanged confused looks. "So what changed, did he try and push you into something you weren't ready for?" Quinn just shook her head. "I just didn't feel anything, I never feel anything. It's like I am dead inside. I don't get it." Quinn let out another whimper as the tears started again. "You know in sophomore year when we sang somebody to love?" the two friends nodded. "I feel like that song was written for me, I can't fall in love, and I can't feel anything for anyone." This was only half the truth but Quinn wasn't ready for the other half to come out yet.

"There is nothing wrong with you, all the frogs I had to kiss before S sorted herself out and came for me, and some of them were so bad." Santana smirked at the dig her girlfriend got in against her. "Yeah Q god look at the mess I made of things, when you feel something for someone it will be amazing, we are only 18 and you have a good 12 years or so dating ahead of you." Quinn smiled at her friends. "And B and I will be with you every step of the way vetting any dudes that want to date our girl okay." Quinn chewed on her lip and sighed feeling terrible that she wasn't being honest. "I wonder if it's the tablets I am on, you know to keep me calm if they have some sort of effect on me. I am hoping to be off them soon though." Brittany squeezed her hand in encouragement as they were having an open clam moment, they didn't even know Quinn was on tablets still. "My therapist said I am doing really well you know with everything, but that I should be more honest with the people in my life." Santana had a feeling this conversation was just beginning. "Q you know you can trust us right, we are the unholy trinity. But hold that thought I will be back in two seconds."

"Santana there you are." Rachel garbled towards her sort of friend. "What do you want Berry in case you didn't notice I don't have Q with me therefore I don't have to put up with your annoying shit." Rachel tried to hide it but it still hurt that Santana wouldn't be her friend, that she only put up with her because of Quinn. "Actually Santana I was about to ask you if you had seen our mutual best friend before you were so rude to me." Santana rolled her eyes. "Look I think she was out back with Sam and I want to get me some lady loving on so get out of my way." Rachel moved out of her way and headed out back to look for Quinn. "Sam there you are, have you seen Quinn?" Sam shook his head sadly. "No she took off." Rachel frowned knowing there was more to this than Sam was letting on. "What do you mean she took off, where, why?" Sam wouldn't look up. "Sam if you don't tell me, don't think it's beyond me to start telling you about every film Barbara Streisand has ever made and I will recite all her lines..." Sam put his hand up. "Fine, fine I'll tell you. I didn't do anything wrong I promise." Rachel crossed her arms and glared. "Look we were kissing and stuff, nothing we haven't done before and I guess my hands travelled a little further than they should, BUT she seemed okay with it. Then I suggested maybe we could head inside and when I went to kiss her again she pushed me away and ran off." Rachel could see Sam seemed genuinely upset.

"Right I thought if we are going to be having meaningful conversations then a little more drink was required. Just don't tell Jude's I let you drink." Santana handed the bottle over to Quinn making eye contact and a knowing look. "I just saw Berry inside I think she was looking for you, so we will need to run a diversion at some point." Brittany jumped up. "I'll go and distract her with my unicorn." Brittany squeezed Quinn's shoulder and winked; Santana couldn't help but feel she has missed out on something when she was inside. "Right Q spills it, I am guessing there is something you want to say, so how about we down these drinks here and then talk." Quinn brought the vodka bottle to her lips and swallowed before passing it across to Santana. "Damn straight vodka this must be serious shit." A few more exchanges of the bottle between them and some light chat and it was finished and they were both feeling buzzed. "S promise me you won't judge me or hate me. I can't deal with you hating me, I already hate myself as it is and..." Santana placed her hand on Quinn's to get her attention. "There is nothing you can tell me that would make me hate you, well unless you tell you are in love with Brittany." Santana laughed but noticed that Quinn shifted away from her and dropped her eyes. "No fucking way, you have got to be shitting me!" Santana was on her feet and glaring down at her best friend. "San please, let me finish..." Quinn was now on her feet trying to calm her friend down. "No you listen to me; you can't have her she is mine. I love her and I won't let you or anyone else takes Britt's away from me!" Quinn moved towards Santana but with the drink in her body her coordination wasn't as good as she hoped it would be. "Fuck you Q, fuck you! You aren't even gay so what is this just some game for you?" Quinn wished she hadn't drunk so much now as she could feel the vomit rising in her stomach as the world swirled around her. "ANSWER ME!" Santana was so angry she didn't even notice how drunk her friend was. "I kissed her." Quinn eventually managed to whisper out. "You did what?" Santana marched towards the wobbly blonde. "Tell me that again." Santana had grabbed Quinn by her top and was right in her face. "I kissed her but." Before Quinn could finish she was face down on the ground after Santana had punched her, and then it all went black.

"SANTANA NO!" Brittany screamed as she came running out the front. "S, baby no." Brittany had grabbed her girlfriend from behind trying to calm me down. "She told me that she kissed you. What the fuck did you want me to do, say that's okay Quinn?" Santana had lost it with anger and drink. "No baby did you let her finish? Let her tell you the truth?" Santana squeezed her fists as her sides as Brittany bent down to check on Quinn. "No I fucking didn't bitch got what she deserved." Brittany was trying to get Quinn to wake up but here was no movement. "Santana listen to me, we will finish this later, but now you need go and get Rachel." Santana continued to glare at the two blondes trying to wrap her head around the betrayal. "NOW SAN! Go and get Rachel." Santana eventually did was she was told and headed inside. "Oh Q why didn't you just tell S the truth, please wake up my clam, please?" Brittany holding Quinn's hand waiting for the other two to return. "Santana what could be so urgent you had to stop me winning Singstar for a record 14th time in a row, winner stays on as you know and..." Rachel stopped speaking when she took in Quinn lying on the ground not moving. "Quinn? Brittany what happened?" Rachel crouched down next to them. "There was a fight and well Quinn was hit and hasn't woken up." Rachel looked from Santana to Quinn and out two and two together. "Santana what the hell? Have you called an ambulance she might have a head injury." Brittany pulled out her phone to dial 911. "Hang on has Sam been drinking might be quicker to drive to the hospital." Brittany nodded and took off after Sam. "Santana at the moment I don't want to know what could have caused you to attack your best friend. But do you not think she has spent enough time in hospitals?" Rachel pulled down Quinn's top that had ridden up to cover the scars on her stomach at which point Santana had the decency to look a little shamed. "You don't know what she did." Rachel snapped. "I don't care Santana; nobody deserves to be out cold lying on the street, especially not Quinn. You make me sick." Brittany and Sam came running out at that point. "What the hell?" Sam asked crouching down. "Let's just get her to hospital and worry about the whys after." Rachel finished with a fierce look directed towards Santana.

"Okay thank you doctor." Judy Fabray walked out of the room to the four teenagers waiting outside. "I don't know what happened tonight, and quite frankly I don't care. I am ashamed of all of you. Sam you are supposed to be her boyfriend, Rachel, Brittany, Santana you are supposed to be her best friends. How I am supposed to trust you with my daughter when something like tonight happens." "Judy if I may." Rachel tried to speak. "Sit down and shut up. I'm not finished. She isn't even supposed to be drinking when she is on tablets, you know that. All of you, you even more so Santana after last time." Santana looked guiltily at her feet. "Right now my poor Quinnie is having her stomach pumped to get the alcohol out her system. Thank god her MRI scan came back clear but she will need stitches and has concussion. What were you thinking?" All four sat in silence not knowing what to say. "Judy neither Rachel nor Sam was really involved in tonight. So if they want to go you should let them." Brittany spared a quick glance at Santana who hadn't moved since they arrived. "However Santana and I were, and if I thought for one second this is what would happen I wouldn't have left them alone, so I am to blame and I am sorry." Judy looked over at the blonde girl; it was the most she had ever heard her talk.

Sam could feel the tension building and decided now was a good time to make a move. "Erm Mrs Fabray now I know Quinn is going to be okay I am going to leave. But I will be back tomorrow." With that Sam walked out. "I knew he wasn't good enough for her." Rachel muttered to herself. "Maybe she just prefers a different kind of blonde." Santana snarled back. "What is that supposed to mean?" Rachel asked. "Ask Brittany I'm out of here." Santana stormed out of the waiting area colliding with some chairs on the way kicking one in bad temper. "I'm going to go after her; she has had too much to drink. We will be back I promise." Brittany smiled sadly and went after girlfriend. "What was that about?" Judy asked. "I have no idea, I don't know what happened. I just came out to find Quinn lying on the ground." Judy fought back the tears. "Rachel you should get going your Dad's will worry." Rachel moved next to Judy and held her hand. "That's quite alright I already called them and they are coming by first thing with some muffins." Judy squeezed the petit girls hand and the two of them sat in silence wondering about the night's events.

"Santana?" Brittany had found Santana crying in the toilets; it was always the same, first came the rage and then the tears. "I'm sorry Britt's, so sorry. I just couldn't stand the thought of loosing you. I mean she is Quinn Fucking Fabray she can have anyone she wants." Brittany held Santana in her arms and rocked her back and forth. "I love you S, I love Q too. BUT I am IN love with you. I love Q like a sister okay." Santana nodded her head and snuffled. "But she kissed you B." Brittany nodded. "She did, and with good reason. But that is for Q to tell you not me." Santana pulled back feeling angry again. "No B you don't kiss your best friends girlfriend and not expect some come back." Brittany put her hands on the brunettes shoulder to raise her chin to look her in the eye. "Do you trust me?" Santana nodded. "Please trust me with this and let Q talk to you, trust me with this okay." Santana sighed and brushed her lips over Brittany's before pulling her in for a hug. "Now let's get you home, get some coffee get changed and come back." Santana simply followed her girlfriend out the door, but then again she would follow her anywhere.

"You gave us quite the scare Quinnie." Judy chastised her daughter who was now awake. "I know Mum I am sorry. I don't know what happened." Rachel moved to kiss Quinn on her temple taking in the angry looking stitches on the side of her head. "I think that is going to scar Q." Quinn sighed and could feel tears springing in her eyes. "You will still be the most beautiful girl I know, a scar will just add to your appeal." Rachel added with another kiss making Quinn flinch. "Is S here?" Quinn choked out. "I really need to talk to her." Quinn was brushing at her tears; Rachel felt upset out but went outside to get Santana. "You know you are grounded and we will be talking about this later once you are discharged. I am so disappointed in you." Judy glanced back at the sad face in the bed and made way for Santana to come in. "Berry said she is going home to change but will be back." Quinn didn't respond. "Look Quinn I am sorry you ended up in hospital. I shouldn't have punched you." Quinn still didn't speak. "But you can't go around kissing other people's girlfriends. It's against the unholy trinity code or something." Santana still hadn't sat down preferring to pace. "But B made me promise to talk to you so here I am." Santana now realised that Quinn still hadn't spoken. "You are the one that wanted to talk so spill." Still Quinn didn't speak. "You have two minutes and if you don't speak I am going back to my original I want to kill you thoughts and then I am leaving. So Q-ball tick-tick." Quinn opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. "Right I am done, you obviously don't want to speak and I think it is best if you just stay out of my way for a bit." Santana scrapped her seat back and with one last look went towards the door.

"I kissed her, Brittany didn't do anything wrong." Santana stopped but didn't turn around. "God why is this so hard. I was telling Brittany that there is someone else I like but I don't think it will ever happen." Santana gripped the railing at the end of the bed hard. "Continue." Quinn took a deep breath. "So Brittany told me just to tell them how I felt, and that we all get crushes. I said mine wasn't a crush and that I was in love." Santana could feel her heart beating out of her chest waiting on the confirmation that was going to change the three friends forever. "And?" Quinn wiped at her tears again. "Erm well B told me that any guy would be lucky to have me and to just be honest. But...I said it wasn't a guy." Santana now slowly turned around she wanted to see Quinn's face when she admitted to being in love with Brittany. "Say it Q, just say you are in love with my girlfriend." Santana whispered harshly. "S no please listen you have it all wrong." Quinn reached out for her friend only for her hand to drop empty handed. "No I have listened quite enough. You kissed my girlfriend last night and against my better judgement I came here today to listen to your explanation but all I have heard is the poor is me from Quinn Fucking Fabray. If you think I am going to stand here and listen to you confess your love for Brittany well..." Santana stared down at her friend with cold eyes. "S I...please." Quinn just couldn't get her words out. "TELL ME, TELL ME THE TRUTH!" Santana shouted her anger getting the better of her."TELL ME YOU LOVE BRITTANY!" She banged her hand down on the railing of the bed. "It's not Brittany I swear to you." Santana flared her nostrils in annoyance. "Chicken shit Fabray strikes again, I am stood here asking you to be honest and you continue to lie to me. I was supposed to be your best friend but yet you KISSED BRITTANY."Quinn closed her eyes for a second feeling woozy. "It's Rachel." She at last managed to whisper out. "What?" Santana hissed not sure she heard right. "It's Rachel; I AM IN LOVE WITH RACHEL." Quinn shouted back keeping her eyes closed to draw some courage from somewhere, when she opened her eyes she was met with Santana, Brittany and her Mum. "Quinnie?"

**West McKinley High, Fall 2011 **

"_What is love? Love is when one person knows all of your secrets... your deepest, darkest, most dreadful secrets of which no one else in the world knows... and yet in the end, that one person does not think any less of you; even if the rest of the world does."_

"So you and Jude's had a nice awkward chat over the weekend?" Santana asked her friend as she appeared next to her locker. "Yep you could say that. She wants us to go to therapy together and find an LGBT parent group she can join." Quinn whispered feeling her face burn in embarrassment. "I'm sorry for knocking you out last weekend, drink and my temper shouldn't mix. I should have heard you out." Quinn grinned. "Has hell just frozen over or did Santana Lopez herself just apologise for something." Santana glared at the blonde. "What the fuck ever." Santana smoothed her cheerleaders skirt out. "Ooo good come back S. I'm sorry too I don't know what I was thinking kissing Brittany like that. Well I wasn't thinking but I am sorry." Santana put her fist out for Quinn to bounce with her own. "So you two are brawling in the street a little over a week ago and now just a simple fist bump and everything is back to normal?" Rachel enquired appearing next to their lockers. "Yes Berry it does in the real world, in your fairy foo foo diva dramatics land we would never have spoken again. But we don't and I gotta bounce. Q we'll finish this later."

Quinn pushed herself off from her locker and could feel Rachel walking along next to her. "Have I done something to offend you Quinn? You seem to be giving me the cold shoulder?" Quinn sighed ever since her dirty secret as she thought was out with her Mum, Brittany and Santana she felt like everyone knew and had pushed Rachel away not bearing to be able to be near her friend. "No I just feel uncomfortable about last weekend and how yet again Quinn Fabray is back being gossiped about for all the wrong reasons again. Plus coach benched me for two weeks to teach me a lesson." Rachel studied the blondes face she knew she was lying she just didn't know why. "You never did tell me why you and Santana got into a fight." Rachel had stepped in front to stop Quinn walking off. "It was hardly a fight Rach, just a well aimed well deserved punch with too much vodka. I really need to go and speak to coach." Quinn shrugged and ran off towards Sue Sylvester. "Alcoholics anonymous how nice of you to tear yourself away from your bottle of vodka to bless me with your presence. Get your sorry drunken ass in here and get changed."Rachel shook her head wondering how they put up with Sue and carried on towards Finn.

"So Q that was a sorry excuse of a display if ever I saw one, care to enlighten me as to how you have gone from being my star runner to this pathetic pasty lump in front of me." Sue was swinging on her chair as Quinn sat on the deliberately uncomfortable Cheerio's chairs. "Coach can I sit on one of the normal seats considering I am not a cheerio?" Sue gestured for Quinn to grab another seat. "You know Q, when I first laid eyes on you; I was reminded of a young Sue Sylvester, though you don't have my bone structure or general brilliance, now speak up I am bored just looking at you." Quinn wondered why her week had started so badly. "I just have a lot on my mind and..." Sue put her hand up. "Is your Father back in town, because if he is let me make a few Sue Sylvester power calls and." "What no? Who told you that?" Sue was one of the few people that knew what had happened with the Fabray's that weekend as she was at the hospital with her sister when Quinn was brought in, Judy had broken down and told Sue everything, Quinn had been mortified at the time but Sue had been a tower of strength giving Quinn a safe sanctuary to go to at school when she could feel a panic attack coming on and a never ending supply of hall passes. She was offered her place back on the Cheerio's but Quinn couldn't handle the contact so declined and took up track instead, except the coach at the time had a real dislike for Quinn, she never knew where she vanished to between sophomore and junior year but when they came back from summer break Sue was installed as the athletics coach as well as the cheerio's.

"I know I am not performing at my best and I promise I will get my form back, I am just sorting through some pretty major things at the moment." Sue nodded along with Quinn. "Oh about how you're in love with that troll Rachel Berry, is that what you are working through?" Quinn's mouth fell open and she just stared at her coach. "You're Mum and I met for coffee over the weekend, I suggested the LGBT parent group to her, you're welcome. I must say Q a beauty like you could do so much better than that dwarf...what am I saying even a goddess like I am is still find someone. Either way I am bored by your teenage drinking drama man up and tell the girl you like her or move on to some other lady loving chick. Now get out of my office you wimpy face is making me sick." Quinn stumbled out of Sue's office in shock she was going to be having words with her Mum when she got home. "Quinn there you are I just wanted to..." Quinn jumped not expecting someone to be waiting for her. "Shit you scared me Rachel, hang on how long where you there? Did you hear anything coach said?" Quinn could feel the panic building. "No I stopped eves dropping on you getting shouted at by Sue Sylvester a long time ago. I wanted to speak to you about the homecoming dance, are you and Sam going?" After realising Rachel hadn't heard anything she calmed down. "No Sam and I broke up."

"What? When?" Quinn looked frantically around for someone to save her from this conversation. "Rach I'm sorry but I have class to get to, I'll catch up with you later." As Quinn went to walk away Rachel grabbed her arm and spun her around, Quinn wasn't expecting such force and sent them tumbling towards the wall with Rachel pressed up against it and Quinn on her. Quinn's breathe caught in her throat she could smell her perfume being so close, so so close. She looked down and was lost in the deep brown eyes shining up at her pleading for Quinn to say something, if she just leaned down she could claim it was her concussion still, god those eyes."Q-BALL!" Quinn closed her eyes to bring back her senses and see Santana stood just a bit down the hallway. "Come on we have stuffs to discuss." Quinn had never been so grateful to see her best friend as now. "Rach...I'm sorry." With that last whisper Quinn took off running leaving a very confused Rachel behind. "Q what the actual fuck? Looked like you were going to get some hobbit loving on, did you tell her?" Santana's jaw had practically dropped to the ground when she came round the corner to see Rachel pushed up against the wall by Quinn. "I don't know what happened she was asking about Sam and then when I tried to walk away she grabbed me I lost my footing and we ending up against the wall. God S it took all my will power not to kiss her, what was I thinking?" Quinn risked one last look over her shoulder to see Finn walking over to Rachel and kiss her. "Come on Q, let's get out of here. I think we need to put some space between you and the hobbit." Santana couldn't help but see the hurt in Quinn's eyes when she saw Rachel and Finn together.

"Mum I'm home." Quinn called out with Santana following along behind her. "We are in the kitchen sweetie." Quinn frowned. "We?" she mouthed to Santana."Mrs Lopez? Mrs Pierce? Britt?" Santana came to a halt behind her friend as she saw the four women in the kitchen. "Mamá?" Mrs Lopez got up to give both of the new arrivals a hug along with Mrs Pierce. "Santana my hija what took you so long?" Santana and Quinn exchanged confused looks before being lead into the kitchen to sit down. "Sweetie don't look so scared, I went to the LGBT group last night and came across Carmen and Wendy, so I thought it would be nice for the six of us to start having coffees together." Quinn looked horrified that so many people in one room knew about her and still wasn't speaking. "So sweetie is you just gay for the Berry girl or gay gay?" Carmen Lopez went straight for it handing Quinn a coffee. "Oh my god." Quinn spluttered into her coffee. "Mamá, Q is sensitive you can't just ask questions like that." Carmen just shrugged whilst still waiting for an answer. "Quinnie I know this is difficult for you but know we all love you and support you in this room, there is no judging." Santana snorted. "Jude's you so read that from the 'so you think your daughter is gay' pamphlet, Mamá said the exact same...OW!" Carmen had kicked her daughter under the table and was now being given a death glare; in the meantime Quinn was counting to ten in her head to keep calm. "Guys stop scaring my little clam she is going to completely close off." Brittany reached across to hold Quinn's hand. "I think what your Mum and Mrs Lopez are trying to get across is that you have the united unicorns supporting you here, so don't be afraid." Brittany high fived her Mum beaming with pride. "I still haven't had my question answered, is it just Berry or all girls?" Carmen asked again with all eyes firmly on Quinn. "I erm...I guess...I just...I'm not sure...I..." Judy was waiting with bated breath she had tried to get Quinn to talk numerous times the last week and got nowhere. "Spit it out Q-Ball." Santana muttered into her coffee and earned herself another slap this time from Brittany. "I know I like Rachel...and maybe other girls..." Quinn just flushed red at the thought. "Hallelujah! So how about we just leave it that Quinn is a Rachel lover and the rest we will discover as and when she is comfortable." Santana pushed her chair back as if to signal that was the end of the meeting. "I am so proud of you Quinnie." Judy hugged her daughter from behind.

After her public humiliation was over and it was just the two of them left in the house Quinn followed the lovely smell of food into the kitchen. "Mum? Why didn't you freak out about, well you know with everything?" Judy stopped preparing dinner and looked at her daughter she looked so sad and lost at the moment. "A mother always knows Quinnie." Quinn didn't know how to take that answer. "What do you mean? I've had boyfriends and stuff so how could you know?" Judy tried to figure out how to best word what she was about to say. "It's a feeling you get. The only time you ever seemed truly happy is when you are around Rachel, and the way you look at her sweetie. It's with a look of awe not just an impressionable teenager, when you look at her your studying her face as if it is the last time you will get to see it. Then when she catches you staring or you think someone else has you always drop your eyes to the ground and blush. You always reply to her texts, calls when Rachel says jump you ask how high. Sam was a nice boy but you still continued to talk more about Rachel than him. I just had an inkling." Quinn chewed on some celery as she listened to her Mum talk. "Was I that obvious?" Judy smiled. "Only to me because I was paying attention. Quinn it has taken us a long time to recover from past events, but I think the two of us are doing pretty good together. If you do decide you are gay then just know I don't care, well I do but I mean I don't care as long as you are happy okay." Quinn ran into her Mum's arms and cried. "I can't be near her Mum, it kills me. I know she isn't ever going to feel the same about me and I have to watch her and that man child together." Judy could feel her own heart breaking for her daughter. "I know sweetie, but just give this time, you have admitted something pretty major so just allow yourself some time okay." Judy kissed her and moved away when she heard the door. "I'll get it." As Judy got closer to the door she could see Rachel waiting out front. "Quinn, its Rachel." More tears began to pool in her eyes. "Can you just say I'm not well or something, please?" Judy sighed and headed towards the door. "Rachel how are you?" Rachel smiled at the older Fabray. "I am great thank you for asking Judy. How are you?" Judy always loved how polite Rachel was in comparison to Santana and the giggly Brittany. "I'm very well but unfortunately Quinn isn't she has a bad migraine and is in bed sweetie." Rachel's face fell she knew the unholy trinity would close ranks but she expected more from Judy. "Oh okay, well please wish her a speedy recovery and I will see her at school tomorrow. Good night." Judy nodded and closed the door. "You can't just ignore her Quinn; it's not fair she hasn't done anything wrong."

"So Q-Tip have you spoken to the tiny one?" Santana asked a couple of days later, Quinn had managed to swing a couple of days off school claiming to be emotionally strained. "Judging by the tone in your voice you know full well I haven't spoken to Rachel, I can't. Look I'll see you later in Glee." Quinn had spotted Rachel and darted into the bathroom. "Santana was that Quinn, how is she feeling?" Rachel was like a whippet running up the hallway. "Yes it was, look Berry just give her some space she is working through some things at the moment." Rachel narrowed her eyes at the brunette girl in front of her. "I don't know what is going on with the 'unholy trinity' as you call yourselves but Quinn is supposed to be my friend and she has barely spoken to me for two weeks. If I have done something wrong would someone just tell me?" Santana actually felt bad for the diva seeing the tears springing in her eyes. "Hobbit it's not for me to say okay. This is Quinn's shit to sort through. She will come to you when she is ready okay." Santana gentle squeezed the other girls shoulder before walking off and taking her phone out.

Text Q: Q you need to speak to the hobbit, she is getting stressed out. I am telling you to sort your shit TODAY!

Quinn checked her phone and groaned she knew she had to speak to Rachel but she just couldn't be near the girl at the moment. "Time to suck it up Fabray." Quinn spoke to herself in the mirror before heading to class.

Text Rachel: Rach can you meet me at my house tonight, say about 6pm. We need to talk Q x

Text Quinn: Of course I can. Rachel x

"Mum should I just blurt it out, what do I do, I don't want to lie to her, but I don't want to tell her everything. I would rather keep her as a friend than loose her completely you know." Quinn was rambling she knew she was and her Mum was at work late tonight and didn't really have time for another of Quinn's freak out calls. "Yes Mum I know we rehearsed it but...okay...yes fine...bye I love you too." Quinn jumped when she heard a knock at the door. "Thanks for coming Rachel." Quinn greeted her friend and took a deep breath my god she looked amazing, simple dress with her hair down, she took Quinn's breath away. "C..c..come in." Rachel looked oddly at Quinn she was behaving weird even for her standards. "Thanks Quinn, are you okay you seem a little, well weird." Quinn stumbled over the rug into the living room and spun around flushed red. "You'd think I would remember that being there wouldn't you." Rachel giggled at her friend's clumsiness. "Your normally so graceful, I think that knock on the head effected your more than you first thought." Quinn grinned in a manic way at the comment. "Okay now the HBIC fake smile has come out, what is going on with you Q?" Rachel reached for her hand and pulled them over to the sofa. "You know you can talk to me about anything, and I mean anything, it's just you and I here okay sweetie." Rachel pushed some of Quinn's hair behind her ear and rested her hand on her cheek for a moment before pulling away. "I'm sorry for pushing you away the last couple of weeks Rach, it's just I did something really bad at the party and it had huge repercussions I wasn't ready for, but I am doing my best." Quinn could feel her cheek burning from where Rachel had just touched her, the smaller girl just continued to look at Quinn waiting for her to carry on. "Please please please don't judge me with what I am about to tell you. I erm...I kissed...Brittany." Rachel gasped she couldn't help herself, this she was not expecting. "Rach please..." Rachel put her hand on Quinn's knee and squeezed it for her to continue. "I was with Sam and we were kissing and stuff and I didn't feel anything it didn't feel right so I freaked and pushed him away. Brittany and Santana came out to check on me." Rachel nodded that she was listening. "I was trying to explain to them how I felt, that I just feel dead inside all the time, and maybe there is something wrong with me why can't I feel anything." Rachel felt tears' building from the torment her friend was going through. "Santana went back inside to get some drink, whilst she was gone Britt's and I kept talking, I erm...god...why can't I just say this...it's supposed to get easier...erm...I said that I think I am...I think I'm..." Rachel gently lifted Quinn's chin with her hand to look her in the eyes. "It's only me, you can tell me Quinn." Quinn nodded and took another deep breath. "IthinkIamgay." Quinn rushed it out like ripping off a band aid, there was no reaction from Rachel her face was stoic. "So Britt's asked me how I knew had I kissed a girl, I said no and then just leaned in and kissed her. I couldn't help myself." Quinn could feel the tears rolling down her cheeks now; Rachel's silence was killing her. "Rach say something, please?" Rachel shook her head like she was trying to wake herself up. "Sorry, wow Quinn I just wasn't expecting this from you." Quinn felt like she was going to throw up, before she had the chance to pull away Rachel had pulled her into her strong arms. "No no sorry that came out wrong, I am so very proud of you and thank you for trusting me. I know this can't have been easy." Rachel was whispering in her ear and Quinn shivered when she felt Rachel's lips brush against her ear. "I meant it when I said I love you Quinn, gay, straight, hell I loved you even when you told you me were thinking of being a cheerio again. I'm not going anywhere." Rachel loosened the hug and pulled back to look Quinn in the eye. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but that is why Santana understandably punched me." Rachel nodded gently wiping the tears off Quinn's cheeks with her thumb. "Do you have feelings for Brittany?" Rachel asked quietly. "No I don't, I was just being selfish and stupid when I kissed her. But I am pretty sure I preferred kissing her to Sam, DON'T tell Santana that." Quinn suddenly worried it was the first time she had admitted that to anyone. "I won't, so who knows?" Quinn brushed some hair back off her face. "Santana and Brittany obviously. My Mum oh and Mrs Lopez and Mrs Pierce...don't ask." Quinn finished off when she saw the perplexed look on Rachel's face. "Santana is good friend to you, Brittany too. When you guys closed ranks on me I kept pestering them to tell but neither said a word and just kept saying you would come to me when you were ready. I always adored Britt's but Santana has gone up in my estimation." Quinn smiled she couldn't help herself or wait to tell Santana what Rachel had said knowing it would annoy her friend. "So less of the serious stuff now, who are you going to go to the homecoming dance with now you and Sam have broken up, how did he take that by the way?" Quinn scratched at her neck. "He was fine I think he knew it wasn't working. I'm not going to go." Rachel was horrified. "Yes you are Miss Fabray we can do a group thing, I think you need this and we can go dress shopping tomorrow. I have to go Finn is waiting outside for me. I am so proud of you Quinn you are so very brave. I'll text you tomorrow." Quinn simply nodded as the object of her affection left.

"So let me understand why we are all here 'Q I aint got no balls Fabray', you came out to Rachel but didn't tell her you have feelings for her and then have flat out denied since that you like someone. So now we are all stuck in a group hang at homecoming and I can't get any lady loving because of you." Santana asked with her arms crossed following Quinn's gaze to see Rachel and Finn dancing together, she snapped her fingers in front of Quinn's face to get her attention. "Fabray wake up she has a boyfriend!" Quinn slowly drew her eyes away from Rachel and looked at her friend. "In a nutshell yes, Rachel knows I am gay." She whispered out the gay part checking no one was around. "Oh my god you can barely even say the word, you are the world's worst lesbian and that has to hurt coming from me." Quinn rolled her eyes. "How are my beautiful girlfriend and my favourite clam tonight?" Brittany smiled sliding her arms around her girlfriend and kissing her shoulder. "Just watching Q and her miserable new hobby of eye fucking the dwarf. You look amazing baby." Santana nuzzled into Brittany's neck. "Screw you Santana at least you guys had each other to work through this with I am on my own, do you have any idea the torture of helping the one person you love pick a dress so she can look nice for her boyfriend. It killed me." Brittany pulled Quinn into a three way hug in an attempt to stop her friend tears. "Perfect freaking timing." Santana moaned into the hug. "Hey girlfriends don't you all look...what's wrong, Quinn?" Brittany felt Quinn sag against her. "Hey Rach, we just had a futuristic moment." Brittany smiled. "Britt's you mean a nostalgic moment honey." Santana filled in before Rachel started correcting her Britt's. "Quinn honey you look so sad, someone as beautiful as you shouldn't be crying at homecoming." Quinn pushed away from her friends and ran off. "Round of applause for Rachel fucking tiny toons Berry." Santana snarled as she went after the blonde. "What did I say?" Rachel asked feeling upset. "Nothing Q is just super sensitive at the moment with everything; my clam won't open up so it's all fleeting inside her." Rachel just nodded thinking she got the gist of what she was saying.

"Quinn here you are, I'm sorry if I said anything to upset you." Rachel had found her in the bathroom. "No you didn't I'm just an emotional mess at the moment." Quinn wiped the tissue over her face in an attempt to fix her makeup. "Let me, you truly do look stunning tonight Quinn." Quinn sighed as Rachel gently moved the tissue over her face. "Is there someone you like here tonight, is that why you are upset?" Rachel was searching Quinn's face for any clues as to how she was feeling. "You could say that yeah." Quinn cleared her throat and moved away from Rachel she couldn't think with her so close to her. "Sweetie, the population of Lima has no idea what they are missing. You are gorgeous the most beautiful person I know. Not just aesthetically but on the inside too, you're a tough nut to crack but when you do you are so warm and giving. You love your friends and family without fear. And so witty and cleaver there is no one else I can debate the upcoming election with like you, although I do know you only say certain things to wind me up. I guess what I am trying to say is that you are incredible Quinn and if the girl you desire out there doesn't want you back then it's her loss." Quinn tried desperately to keep her feelings under control her heart was betraying her with the loud thump she could feel against her chest. "You know if I was ever to go gay you would be my exact type, not that I am sure you would look twice at me, ha ha. Or that I am gay. I better get back out there to Finn, are you feeling better?" Quinn just nodded lost for words as Rachel leaned up and kissed her on the check before she walked out the door. "Q." Before the tears really started to fall Santana came back out of the stall to hold her friend. "I'm so sorry, but at least you know now right." Quinn again nodded it seemed to be the only thing she was good at now.

"Q I am impressed with you. You seem to have put all that Berry shit from homecoming behind you." Santana smiled as she walked down the hall with her girlfriend's hand in hers and Quinn on her other side, she felt invincible. "I am doing my best, although there is nothing quite as toe curling as therapy with your Mum." All three shared a look and laughed. "I can just see Jude's clutching her rainbow flag and pamphlets listening intently to your therapist as you shrink in the corner." Quinn nodded in agreement. "That's pretty much it. But she did give me some good advice about closure so I am doing a song in Glee today you know to help, please make sure you guys cheer at the end." Brittany jumped up and down and clapped she loved Quinn singing. "Yes just like that Britt's you know we have your back Q." Quinn said her goodbyes and waved when she saw Rachel up ahead. "Hey friend how have you been? I haven't seen you so much, well you know since homecoming." Rachel was nervous that she was going to lose Quinn as a friend her Dad's had told her to back off a bit and leave Quinn to come to her, it was killing her but she was doing her best. "I know and I am sorry I just need some time away from everyone, I'm doing a song in Glee today." Rachel beamed up at her friend. "Quinn that is wonderful you know music is good for the soul." Quinn did feel bad for pushing Rachel away but she had to for both their sakes. "It is I think hopefully it will give me some closure that everyone always raves about. See you later."

"Everyone please welcome Quinn to the floor." Mr Schue announced once everyone was seated. "This was so not a good idea." Quinn muttered to herself as she gave Brad the music, taking a deep breath she moved to the centre of the room _'You and me, we used to be together, everyday together always, I really feel, that I'm losing my best friend'_ "Oh god she didn't." Santana leaned in to whisper to Brittany. Rachel sat and stared on wondering why her friend had chosen this song, it was like she was singing it to someone in the room that she had given up on them or trying to get a message across it was sung with too much feeling to just be another song. _'Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush darlin', hush, hush don't tell me tell me cause it hurts'_ Once Quinn had finished she took a look around the room everyone was clapping, Santana was giving her we will talk about this later look, Brittany was smiling and Rachel just looked hurt and confused. At the end of Glee club Santana approached Quinn. "Of all the freaking songs Q, Don't Speak! Really!" Quinn just shrugged. "It's how I feel, I can't listen to Rachel tell me how great she thinks I am because it hurts." Santana slapped her arm. "You idiot Rachel doesn't know the song is for her, but with shit like I am losing my best friend you better have a story ready because here she comes. Good lucks." Sure enough as Quinn turned around Rachel was heading her way.

"Why would you lie to me?" Rachel was cold with her tone. "What? I didn't?" Quinn had no clue what this was about. "Losing your best friend, don't speak, stop explaining. All self explanatory lyrics really don't you think?" Fear clutched at Quinn, she knows oh my god she worked out this was her. "Rach I, I'm sorry I didn't mean for you to find out this way." Rachel rubbed at her neck and shook her head. "I thought you were different Quinn, how do you think Santana is going to feel to know you want her girlfriend, you won't only loose Santana you will lose Brittany as well. Or are you trying to get over her someone you supposedly don't have feelings for isn't that what you said? Do you really feel that strongly for her to lose them both?" Quinn's mouth dropped open. "No that's not what this is...I." Rachel put her hand up to stop her. "I listened to your lies about Brittany before, I can't and won't support you in this, when you decide to grow up let me know." Rachel stormed off leaving a very confused Quinn behind.

"Q you owe me big time for this!" Santana hissed approaching Rachel the next morning. "Hobbit, Q informs me that you think she has feeling for Brittany. I am here to inform you that is not the case. So can you please cease and desist the silent treatment." Rachel puffed out her cheeks in annoyance. "Are you really this blind? Music says so much and Quinn admitted yesterday to losing her best friend." God this girl was stupid the cheerio thought. "Right man hands I am done playing nice. The song yesterday had nothing to do with Brittany or me. Sometimes a song is just a song. If you really are Q's friend you will drop this nonsense and I can go back to ignoring you."

**Lima, Ohio January 2012**

"Q, Q, Q would you slow the fuck down!" Santana shouted after the friend as she ran out of the party. "What do you want San? If it's just to mock me please save it for another time." Quinn never looked up trying to hide the tears that were falling. "I'm not I promise, plus B would kick my ass." Santana tensely stepped forward. "Promises, promises." Quinn mumbled out from behind her sleeve. "What you mumbling on about Q?" Quinn's attention was still on the ground. "Promises people make. Promises to never say anything but break them. PROMISES!" Santana moved a little closer again. "Q I don't know what you are talking about." Quinn made some sort of sobbing noise and then took off in a sprint down the road. "Mother fucker!" Santana moaned attempting to run after friend but being in heels was falling behind. "Quinn I swears to god when I catch you I'm gonna...these are Jimmy Choo...Quinn!" Santana had kicked her shoes off and was now sprinting as well. "Damn why did she have to take up track in our senior year!"

Quinn didn't know why she was running but it was how she handled things, it was a release to her. Whenever she needed to clear her mind she ran, her Mum had renamed her Forrest after the film Forrest Gump, 'run forest run' Judy would shout at her track meets. Quinn knew Santana wouldn't be able to keep up with her, so she quickened her pace and disappeared into the darkness. "Damn it Q, I only wanted to talk." Santana threw her shoes at the ground in annoyance and pulled out her phone and tried calling Quinn. With no answer Santana headed back into the party and grabbed Brittany by the elbow and whispered they needed to go. "Rach me and S gotta go, you know do Lebanese things together." Rachel used to Brittany and her eccentricities as she called them just scrunched her nose up at the information. "Thanks for that Britt, have either of you seen Q?" Santana jumped in before Brittany could say anything. "I think she left mentioned something about a headache." Santana spun on her heel before Rachel could respond.

"S what's going on, you're scarring me, is Q okay?" Santana hated lying to Brittany but she didn't want to alarm her. "I'm not sure, I tried talking to her and she ran off, she's not answering her phone and I am worried." Brittany just nodded in understanding. "Why couldn't we tell Rachel she could have helped us look?" Santana took a deep breath. "Because the less people that know Q is flipping out the better." Brittany pulled Santana into a hug. "It'll be okay we will find her." Santana loved her girlfriend's optimism but right now she just felt sick. "Santana, Santana!" Brittany spun round to see Rachel hurrying towards them. "Kurt just told me that Quinn ran out of the house in tears with you running after her, why did you lie to me, and where is she?" Fucking Porcelain never knew when to keep out of things Santana thought. "Fine look I don't know she ran out upset I tried talking to her and she ran away." Rachel looked down at her phone. "Oh god how could we forget the date! Idiot, idiot, idiot!" Brittany was looking as confused as Santana felt. "Berry what the fuck is you on about?" Rachel snapped up. "Look at the date, its January no wonder Judy was worried about her being out tonight, do you know if she was drinking?" Rachel searched through the contacts on her phone and tried calling Quinn again still answer. "Damn it, no answer. Should we call Judy maybe she has just gone home?" Rachel looked at the two cheerleaders in front of her. "Berry I don't know what happened Q won't talk about it, all I know is she went crazy this time last year wild partying and shit, then this year she went into shut down...and then I...oh fuck!" Santana could have kicked herself.

Quinn had stopped running a couple of miles down the road, she could feel her lungs burning and knew she couldn't run any further, bent over trying to catch her breath she realised she was just a couple of blocks away from Breadsticks so headed that way. Quinn could feel her phone vibrating in her hand so had a look 10 text message and 13 missed called, 8 from Santana, 3 from Rachel, 1 from Brittany and one from her Mum. "Damn it!" she hissed as started dialling her Mum. "Hi Mum...yeah I'm fine...I just wanted to get some air...I promise...okay...bye." Quinn felt bad for worrying her Mum so thought it would be best to call Santana and get a ride home.

Quinn: At Breadsticks pick me up please

Santana: On way

Quinn's mind was all over the place, she felt so betrayed, and why couldn't people keep their mouths shut. She could feel herself getting colder and it reminded her of that night two years ago she was stupid to even try to come out tonight but Rachel begged her and what Rachel wanted Rachel got, since they had patched up their friendship from all the Brittany drama. Quinn had tried so hard to not let the events of two years ago ruin her life and usually she did pretty well, except for January she hated the month and the feelings it brought back to her, tonight just added to it. As Quinn was lost in her thoughts she didn't hear her friends pull into the parking lot. Santana got out and came running towards Quinn grabbing her in a hug from behind, she hadn't been so happy to see someone in a long time. "Fuck!" Quinn flipped and pushed Santana off and swung blindly trying to protect herself. "Get away from me, leave me alone, please!" Quinn swung again as she cried out and made contact this time knocking her friend to the ground. "Santana!" Brittany shouted running over with Rachel not far behind. "Q, it's me Rachel. You are safe okay." Rachel was talking very slowly trying to approach her panicked friend as Brittany tended to Santana on the ground. "Q, please look at me, it's me Rachel." Quinn wasn't listening and was now just hunched on the floor sobbing muttering to herself. "Santana are you okay?" Rachel asked her eyes never leaving Quinn. "Yeah I'm fine just caught me by surprise." Brittany shook her head towards Rachel. "I think you're going to need stitches baby." Brittany had her jumper pressed against the cut on Santana's head. "How is Q?" Santana looked over and got the answer without anyone saying anything. "Quinn, please sweetie, it's just me Rachel."

Quinn looked and Rachel gasped her eyes were wild; she could tell she was struggling to keep herself calm. Rachel tried to move closer to her friend but Quinn recoiled in terror the closer she got. "Santana I think we should call Judy, I haven't seen her this bad for a long time." Rachel whispered as she crouched down to check her eye. "This is my fault I shouldn't have..." Rachel put her hand up to stop Santana "It's no one fault; there must have been something else to happen to cause her to be this bad okay." Santana nodded feeling even worse as Rachel didn't know about their earlier fight. "Quinn I wish you would talk to me, you know to stop me from having to ramble on. The party didn't live up to the hype as young people like to say. I thought in senior year they became even more rambunctious but it would appear not." Rachel stopped speaking Quinn wasn't even listening she was in a catatonic state. "I've called Judy she is on her way." Santana whispered to Rachel. "She'll be fine Rachel okay." Rachel just nodded as she continued to stare at the blond. "Judy said not to approach her but just make sure she doesn't move." Rachel rubbed at her temples. "I can always help her Santana, I'm the one that pulls her out of her these states, and she won't even let me near her." Brittany gave Rachel's hand a squeeze. "We know you do Rachel, but maybe just this time she needs her Mum. We all do sometimes." After what felt like forever Judy eventually appeared.

Quinnie, sweetie it's Mum." Judy cautiously walked towards her daughter. "Can you talk to me?" There was still no movement from Quinn. "Sweetie please?" Judy was crouched in front of Quinn and gently took her hand. "Mum?" Rachel breathed a sigh of relief that Quinn had finally spoken. "Oh god Mum, it hurts, it hurt so much." Quinn slumped forward into her Mum's arms. "Ssshhh I've got you honey. Girls if you want to go I can take it from here." Rachel tried to blink back the tears she could feel in her eyes. "Judy I am happy to stay with you." Quinn squeezed tighter into her Mum. "Mum please makes them go." Judy nodded and turned towards Rachel. "Please Rachel, I promise Quinn will call you later." Brittany grabbed her hand and pulled Rachel away with her. "Come on you can keep me company whilst they staple San's head." Santana grimaced. "Stitch Britt baby, they are going to stitch my head." Brittany shrugged her shoulders. "That's what I said." Judy watched them leave and moved to be sitting next to Quinn now she had calmed down. "Quinnie, it is January and freezing out here so how about we head home." Quinn moved slowly and followed her Mum to the car. "What happened tonight? You have been doing so well recently? I know it's near the date; I was worried about you going out tonight. I should have paid more attention."

"I've lost." Judy looked at Quinn in confusion as she placed some water and tablets in from of her. "What have you lost?" Quinn exhaled and took the tablets. "Everything, don't you get it? Every time I think I'm doing okay something happens and I fail again. What did I do to deserve this? Actually no I know what causes this, it's me." Judy sat down opposite still completely lost at what had happened. "Sweetie you're going to have to be a bit clearer with what you mean." Quinn twisted the glass in her hand. "I lost...I lost my ba...baby. I've lost my sanity. Why do people hurt me?" Judy felt her heart break. "Listen to me Quinn it wasn't your fault you lost your baby. You have not lost your sanity you just need a little help at the moment, but who hurt you?" Quinn slouched forward. "Rachel." She whispered out. "Rachel? She was with you earlier, how did she hurt you?" Quinn chewed her lip. "I heard Finn talking to her about me, about me being gay. She told him Mum." She chewed out angrily. "Oh Quinn I am sure you just misheard. Rachel wouldn't do that" Quinn shook her head. "No I heard them. Don't you get it? This is how it starts, how it all starts. We aren't safe. We need to leave before he comes for me again."

Judy looked at her broken daughter if what she had told her as true she was going to kill  
Rachel Berry. "Honey I am going to call the doctor, I think you need some help okay." Quinn didn't even acknowledge her Mum, she was just staring at the wall mumbling about broken promises, someone coming to get her and of course Rachel. "Brittany it's Judy, I know you are at the hospital with Santana, but when you get this message can you call me please." Judy also called the doctor, for now all she could do was wait until help came.

"Okay Judy leaves it with me." Santana finished her call as they waited outside for a taxi. "Rachel I have something to ask you. And I need you to be 100% honest with me." This got Rachel's attention as Santana never called her by her first name. "Santana I am always honest it is one of my best qualities." The snarky cheerio did her best not to respond with a sarcastic comment. "Does Finn know Q is gay?" From the scared look in Rachel's eyes it seemed he did. "Technically yes. But..." Before Rachel could finish Santana had spun on her heel to stop herself punching the annoying girl. "Fucks sake! Berry do you have any idea the damage you have caused! You stupid fucking..." Brittany had joined them outside and stopped Santana before she could continue. "What is going on?" Rachel had never been happier to see Brittany as she was now. "The dwarf fucking well told the giant man child that Q is gay. Q overheard them discussing her and freaked." Rachel closed her eyes realising it was indeed all her fault.

"Oh god. He won't say anything I promise. I only told him because he said Quinn was only my friend to get close to him again and..." Brittany held Santana back as she lunged towards Rachel. "Rachel I really think you need to go." The blonde cheerio said coldly. "Britt I..." "No Rachel you really messed up and I can't look at you at the moment. I am about ten seconds away from releasing Santana on you. So I suggest you run back to your boyfriend." Rachel was shocked she had never seen Brittany talk this way before. "Brittany I am sorry...I wasn't thinking...I" "NOW RACHEL. LEAVE!" Brittany shouted. This time Rachel did leave, walking back inside the hospital to call Finn.

"How was Q last night?" Brittany asked Santana as they walked into school hands together. "Getting better I think, they have lowered the drugs and the doctors are really pleased with her progress. I know she is doing better as she is squirming during the group therapy sessions." Santana smiled at the end. "I was so scared Sanny, I really thought we had lost her this time." The dark haired girl simply nodded in agreement. "Santana I think you are being really harsh on Rachel. She didn't do anything wrong, as for the slushie attacks, when will you grow up!" It was only a matter of time for frankenteen to snap and it seemed today was that day. "Hudson I would recommend you back the fuck up. Your girl knows what she did. So why don't you fuck off back to the circus with your freak of a girlfriend."

"No. This stops now. I have had enough with the 'unholy trinity' thinking you rule the school. In fact where is your third wheel? Or is Quinn still hiding in the closet?" Santana closed her eyes and counted to three before launching herself at Finn. "What have you done?" Brittany looked on in panic knowing it would be out in school about Quinn within hours, and how to pull Santana back from the brink. "What the hell is going on? Boobs McGee gets them over inflated fun bags over here NOW!" Like a knight in a shinning red tracksuit Sue to the rescue. "Coach you don't know what he did." Santana tried to defend herself. "I know full well what he did. But unless you want to be expelled get into my office now. Finn you utter failure at life slither to Mr Schue NOW! Everyone else leave NOW or I will personally run detention for you all starting with 100 suicides."

Brittany and Santana had been waiting in Sue's office for over an hour now; they both turned their heads to see Judy and Sue walk in together. "Santana what are we going to do with you?" Judy shook her head in disappointment. "You didn't hear what he said Jude's." Judy raised her hand and passed her phone to Santana. "Holy fuck!" This earned the loud mouthed cheerio a smack on the back of the head. "Yes I do know what he said, and now so does the whole of Ohio thanks to this Jacob boy and his blog." Just when Judy thought things were getting better something else happens. "As we all know Quinn is recuperating in hospital still. She is due to be released at the end of the week, but with this set back I don't know. I will discuss it with her doctors to decide what is best." It was times like this Judy was sorry they didn't live in a bigger town.

The two cheerio's were made to spend the rest of the day in Sue's office. Sue had told Mr Figgins she would punish her cheerios as she saw fit and then threatened to tell the school board about Mr Figgins using school funds for his spray on hair. Neither of them knew what had happened with Finn, nor did they really care at the moment. "Santana, Brittany?" Rachel knocked the door taking a deep breath before walking in. "I just wanted to apologise again for what I did. I should have known better. I obviously had too much faith in Finn and his ability to keep a secret. Just know whatever you want to do to me; well you can't make me feel any worse than I already do." Rachel waited for the verbal abuse, it never came. "Just leave Rachel." It wasn't Santana that made the request, it was Brittany and that made it all the worse for Rachel.

"Mum I am fine, please stop staring at me." Quinn smiled at her Mum as they left the hospital. "I'm sorry Quinn but I'm just worried. I really thought with everything at school with Finn that." "That I would go crazy again?" the younger blonde asked with the Fabray raised eyebrow. "Stop saying you are crazy sweetie. You aren't" Quinn raised her hand to stop her Mum's ramblings. "Mum I know I'm not crazy, I was just trying to make light of the situation. I am gay and I don't care who knows it okay. Sue reckons I am set for a scholarship if I can get my times back to what they were at the beginning of the year. I am healthy, I am young. I have you, I have Brittany and Santana. High school is only another five months. I will survive it. We will survive it. And I know he isn't coming back okay." Judy looked at her daughter in amazement. "I am so proud of you Qunnie. Let's get you home, there is a certain blonde that is desperate to see you."

"My clam!" Brittany shouted running out to Quinn to give her a hug, lifting the giggling blonde in the air and swinging her round. "Britt I missed you so much." Quinn hugged back just as hard, and then opened her arms to welcome her dark haired friend into the hug. "Q tip you are looking well." Santana grinned at her friend. "I am feeling well guys. I guess sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to get up again." Judy beamed with pride at her daughter again. Santana felt her friend stiffen in her arms and followed her eyes. Rachel.

"Quinn, how are you?" Rachel was standing on the Fabray's driveway obviously afraid of what response she would get. "Q I can get rid of her if you want?" The fiery latina was already pushing Quinn behind her. "No I have done enough hiding." Quinn moved toward the nervous girl. "Rachel I didn't expect to see you today." Rachel could feel the cold eyes of the cheerios on her. "I wanted to see how you were." Quinn took a deep breath she had been over this with her therapist. "As you can see I am fine. I know what happened at school with Finn." The smaller girl shuddered it was so unlike Quinn to get straight to point on personal matters. "The school knows I am gay thanks to him. Of course I would have preferred to have the choice to come out myself. But it is what it is. I'll live; the people I love don't care so neither do I." Quinn chewed her lip before continuing. "I forgive you Rachel. I know this wasn't deliberate and in time I will forgive your boyfriend. But for now I am sure you understand that I can't be around you for the time being. I just need some space from you and the Finchel show." With that Quinn turned on her heel and walked away.

Monday came quickly for Quinn and she was doing her best to hide her anxiety, the tablets the doctor gave her certainly helped. "You are Quinn Fucking Fabray, we can do this." Quinn repeated the mantra to herself as she went to walk the halls. "You sure are Q." Santana smiled as she stood to her left and Brittany to her right. "Let's do this." Quinn could see the mix of looks from the student body, some were of pity, some disgust. They might not agree with her but Quinn was damned if they wouldn't respect her. "Jacob, come here now." The HBIC voice was out. "Listen to me carefully and make sure to print what I say word for word." The curly haired boy with shaking hands put his phone towards Quinn who grabbed it. "My name is Quinn Fucking Fabray, and I am gay. I don't care knows it. If you think you can use this against me think again. Do not fuck with me or my friends. You won't win and I will humiliate you. Have a great day everyone." As Quinn began speaking most people in the hall had listened to the former or perhaps now back in place HBIC issue her chilling threat. As Quinn listened to some cheers she caught Rachel's eyes trying to hide the hurt she felt, and offered a small smile. Quinn knew her and Rachel would be fine with time, but right now she had to keep away.

**West McKinley High School Graduation 2012**

_'I have no regrets. I wouldn't have lived my life the way I did if I was going to worry about what people were going to say.' Ingrid Bergman_

"For the love of god Q it's never going to happen." Quinn blinked trying to clear her eyes of the beautiful vision in front of her. "But maybe, just maybe, my Mum said." Santana lifted her hand into Quinn's face. "I'm gonna stop you right there. As much as I love me some Judes, she couldn't be more wrong about this. Q she is straight and might I remind you almost married Hudson. And betrayed your trust too!" Quinn sighed knowing her friend was right shaking her head to almost clear her mind. "Hard to think of all the shit that went down here with us Q." Quinn smiled looking at the school. "It is and as much I hated so much of my time in high school I'm not sure I would change anything." Santana knew what Quinn meant but they never discussed it. After Quinn had gotten pregnant sophomore year to Noah Puckerman and lying to her then boyfriend Finn Hudson that it was his, it all went pretty bad for a while. Coming from a strict Christian home Quinn had no idea how her parents would take it and wasn't surprised to find herself kicked out. Quinn came to the Lopez's and stayed with them until Judy grew a brain and begged Quinn to come home. Finn found out Puck was the father and Quinn became public enemy number one.

No one really knows what happened that January in 2010 not even Santana not really. All West McKinley knew is that Quinn was no longer pregnant, had a broken arm, ribs, cuts to her face and her Dad was no longer in Lima. It was like nothing happened Quinn came back to school completely closed off just a walking zombie. No one could get through to her, well until Rachel broke her one day, not literately but talked at her until Quinn snapped and broke down in her arms. Judy decided that anyone that could get any kind of reaction out of Quinn was someone she wanted around and begged Rachel to keep talking to Quinn. Santana thinks that's when Quinn fell in love, no matter how much she pushed Rachel away she just kept coming back, or how much Rachel had hurt Quinn she always forgave her. At the time sure she was jealous she wanted it to be her helping Quinn but for some reason it was always Rachel she went to. Santana looked over to her brunette friend chatting animatedly with Brittany she really did save Quinn so for that reason alone she put up with her. "Just imagine San in a few short months we will be in New York!" Quinn's eyes were shinning in excitement at what lay ahead for them. "I know crazy huh, you and me at NYU who knew old Sylvester had that much pull to help with scholarships." Quinn nodded in agreement. "I know otherwise I would have been stuck here in Lima forever and Rachel would be six foot under after you killed her in New York without me or B to stop you." Santana cracked up laughing causing Rachel and Brittany to come over.

"San what are you laughing at?" Rachel asked as they approached knowing it was probably something at her expense. "Oh just Q reminding of someone I have to thank so if you will excuse me." Santana grabbed Brittany's hand as she walked off. "What was that about?" Rachel asked wrapping her arm around Quinn's waist. "Oh just S being S I wouldn't worry. There is something I also need to do, come with me?" Rachel noticed the hesitancy in her friend's eyes she hadn't seen it for a while and it worried her. "Of course I'll come with you." Quinn grabbed her hand and walked them towards the choir room. "Q why are we here?" Rachel asked as she leaned against the piano. "I just. I was stood out front with S and it hit me I never said thank you." Rachel scrunched her brow in confusion. "Thank me? Thank me for what?" Quinn motioned for her to come over, putting them both in front of the mirror. "I want to thank you for this, well for me." Quinn gestured at the mirror. "If it wasn't for you I wouldn't be stood here. That weekend in January I thought I was going to die, I felt like I had died, I..." Rachel wrapped her arms around her but didn't speak. "I came back here and I was dead well inside I didn't care I had lost everything, everyone I couldn't even keep my baby safe." Quinn blinked back some tears determined to finish what she had started. "Sorry this wasn't meant to be a pity party. I'm just so thankful for you and your never ending support and friendship. I am not one to express gratitude, it is something I am working on I promise. But without you I would have died, and I know we won't see as much of each other in New York but know that anything you need from me ever no matter what. Know I will help you without question. I love you Rachel." Quinn whipped at her tears as Rachel pulled her closer soothing her friend. "Thank you. But it was really not necessary. You saved me in more ways than you will ever know, and I will never find the words even with my amazing use of the English language to express my gratitude. And you forgave me for my mistakes. So how about we call it even, I mean I was nearly Rachel Hudson dropping five whole places down in the register from Berry." Quinn laughed at her ramblings.

"San why are we coming to the choir room?" Brittany whispered to her girlfriend. "Shhh B I want to stop Q making a mistake, I just wish she would listen to me, oh I can hear them." Santana and Brittany continued towards the choir room. "Rach there is something I need to tell you, I know you will be fine about it, but I can't help but worry so please just bear with me a moment." Rachel nodded not sure what Quinn needed to say to her. "As you know I haven't dated anyone since the whole Finn Puck mess I created. And since I came out, well I just haven't met anyone I really like." Quinn took a deep breath trying to force the words out. "Quinn you can tell me anything." Rachel smiled. "Okay...okay. Just know that I don't want anything to change and I am totally going into this blind okay." Rachel simply nodded. "I'm in love with someone, someone amazing." Quinn closed her eyes trying to steady her breathing. "Quinn that is wonderful do I know them?" Rachel couldn't help but feel disappointed by the news, she didn't even know Quinn had a crush on anyone let alone fell in love. "I guess you could say that yes. This person is everything to me and I don't know what I would do without them. On my darkest of days they have made me smile and even on my greatest of days them just being there makes it even better." Quinn could feel her heart racing 'just spit it out you wimp' she muttered to herself. "Quinn whoever they are, they are so lucky to have to you." Rachel had plastered her best fake smile on, one that Quinn always saw through but she was struggling to get her words out and hadn't noticed. "Rachel it's..." before Quinn could finish Santana had rugby tackled her to the ground."Q I am begging you don't do this, you will lose her." Santana had her hand over her friend's mouth and was whispering into her ear she could feel her shaking under her.

"SANTANA! Unhand her!" Rachel shouted as she walked over to the two cheerleaders laying the floor. Santana got up leaving Quinn laying on the floor her eyes never leaving Santana's. "Sorry I missed Q and just had to see her again." Santana shrugged as she continued to glare in Quinn's direction. "Well she was just about to tell me something very important before you came barrelling in like a barbarian." Brittany had an idea what was going on, no she knew but decided to play dumb and ran over to Quinn jumping on her. "Q I missed you too." Brittany hugged into her friend leaving a bewildered Rachel starring at them. "S is right you will lose her if you tell her now. Just wait for her heart to catch up with yours, it will." Brittany rushed her words out as quick as she could, seeing the tears in Quinn's eyes as she pushed up from the ground making a run for the bathroom. "I'll go you stay with Rach okay B?" Santana gave a knowing smile to her girlfriend. "Q? Q?" Santana banged on the cubicle doors. "Q I know you hate me right now, but trust me you will thank me in the future." Quinn was resting her head lying on the side of the toilet bowl after being sick. "I can't, I can't have people touch me like that S. You know that! You scared the shit out of me!" Quinn started dry heaving again. "Q I'm sorry I really am but I had to stop you doing something stupid okay." Santana internal cursed herself for being so stupid, she had a scar above her right eye from the last time she tackled Quinn.

"I thought you were doing better with hugs and things." Santana sat next to her friend on the floor. "I am just sometimes it comes back and I freak and I end up with my head down a toilet bowl. I just, I just wish I could be normal." Santana wishes she could kick herself. "You are normal; you know if you didn't bottle everything up and tired talking to me maybe I could help." Quinn just shakes her head. "I can't." The friends just sit in silence whilst Quinn pulls herself together. "Quinine, Quinine?" Judy's voice can he heard calling from the door. "Oh Quinine what happened?" Judy took in her daughter lying with her head in Santana's lap. "Nothing Mum I am fine, just got a bit overwhelmed." Santana knew what was coming but pressed on regardless. "It was my fault I stopped Q telling Rachel how she felt, but I kind of rugby tackled her in the process." 'Smack' Santana felt Judy's hand hitting her on the head. "Santana how many times, I know you like to be a little rough but you can't with Quinine you know that." It wasn't a hard hit just a chastising pat really. "I know I'm sorry Jude's really I am." Judy smiled at her daughter's friend. "I know you are sweetie but please be more careful or else you will have a scar to match your other one." Santana nodded and couldn't help but notice that Judy had the exact same scar on her right arm as Quinn did. She shook her head and knew neither would tell her so it was pointless asking. "Quinine, sweetie I'm here." Judy pulled Quinn up into her arms for a hug as Quinn broke down again. "I'm going to just leave you two alone." Santana excused herself and came face to face to with Rachel and Brittany in the hallway.

"Rach I would leave them alone." Rachel just nodded. "San why would you do that to Q, you know what happened last time, she acts all tough but really she is like a china doll. So breakable and precious." Christ lay on the guilt trip Santana thought. "Berry I get it okay I fucked up. Maybe just maybe if Q would tell us what happened I would know to be more careful?" Santana spat back like a jealous child. "Shhh S, the only people that know is the two in that bathroom, there is a reason for that and we just have to respect it okay." Rachel always wondered why Brittany kept this version of herself so well hidden, she asked once and was told that she only had a certain amount of magic and didn't want to dilute it on people she didn't deem worthwhile, you couldn't fault her theory not really. "Ah Rachel there you are, walk with me." Judy asked as she walked out of the bathroom with Quinn following behind like a lost child, handing her over to Santana and Brittany. "Of course Judy." Rachel smiled. "I understand Quinn told you something earlier..." "Oh no Judy she..." "Please Rachel just let me finish." Rachel nodded wondering what was going on. "Please don't hold it against her, I know my daughter and I know how hard it would have been for her to tell you. But I also like to think I know you will enough to know you won't." Judy looked at Rachel waiting for her to nod in understanding. "Of course Judy I would never." Judy gave Rachel's arm a squeeze. "Thank you Rachel, now ladies please look after my Quinine at tonight's graduation party, please make sure you all have fun, I will see you in the morning for breakfast and a full debrief." Judy gave each of the girls a hug and walked off.

"Q may I speak with you a moment." Rachel held her hand out for Quinn for to take ignoring the looks from Santana and Brittany. "I just had a very strange conversation with Judy asking me not to hold something against you. I have to admit I am most confused. "Rach I'm sorry you know my Mum she gets all muddled in the teenage drama, it was something to do with S and B that's all." Rachel knew it wasn't the truth but also knew not to push Quinn when she was delicate like this. "Okay but who is this person you're in love with you never did tell." Rachel looped arm through Quinn's as they walked out of the school. "It doesn't matter; they will never feel the same. I was stupid to think otherwise." Quinn let out sadly. "Quinn they are a fool then, anyone would be lucky to have you on their arm." Rachel kissed her friend on her cheek having no idea she was adding to Quinn's own heartbreak. "Come on bitches let go party!" Santana shouted out making a grab for Quinn. "Q I am so sorry." She whispered into her ear. "I know thanks S; it just hurts knowing I will never have her."


	2. Chapter 2

"Berry, Berry!" Santana stood open mouthed staring at the TV. "BERRY!" Santana screamed at the top of her voice. "Santana is there really any need to shout you will strain your vocals doing that." Rachel waltzed into the living room from the adjoining kitchen. "Have you seen this?" Santana asked in a shaky voice running her hand through her hair. "Seen what? You know I don't watch the news it just depresses me." Rachel grabbed her script and sat down on the sofa. "Berry this is serious." Rachel didn't even lift her eyes from the pages. "Let me guess some new scientific finding that breathing fresh air will kill." Rachel giggled at her own joke and continued reading not even noticing Santana never answered her. "Santana can you turn that down I'm trying to learn my lines." Rachel threw a look at Santana. _'So do we have any idea the number of casualties yet?' 'There are thirty people confirmed dead so far, but that number is sure to rise.'_ Rachel looked over her script at the screen. _'Do we have any more details about this morning's attack yet John?'_ Rachel could see a middle aged man on the screen with the usual scrolling news at the bottom, just above it in huge letters - LONDON BOMBINGS JULY 7 2018 _'A few more details have come through from MI5. It was very much a co-ordinated attack with four bombs alone going off in Liverpool Street Station, with one at Fenchurch Street and of course what they now think up to five going off at Bank underground.' _

Rachel gasped at the magnitude of the attacks and looked over to Santana who seemed to be frozen in stone. "San we don't know they were there, the chances are slim to none okay." Santana wasn't listening she just kept watching the screen. "San are you listening to me?" Rachel stood up to approach her friend. "Berry where the fuck does Q work? Where does she work?" Rachel knew where this was going and didn't want to answer. "The city." Santana spun round to glare at her. "Exactly these bombs went off during rush hour they said so, Liverpool Street Station. Q goes through there every day, every day so the chances of her being there are pretty fucking high. Where is my phone, where the fuck did I put my phone?" Santana started throwing cushions and magazines in the air trying to find her phone. "Let me call you, I am sure there is a text from Quinn saying she is fine." Rachel scratched at her head wondering when she became the calmest person in this friendship. _'Sexy and I know it...'_ Santana ran over to the kitchen to grab her phone. "No messages from either of them. I'm going to call. Please pick up, please pick up." Santana was pacing the kitchen as she waited for the call to go through. "Damn straight to voicemail. Let me try Quinn." Rachel suddenly understood Santana's panic Brittany was over there for three months helping to get a West End show up and running, she was due to fly home tomorrow. "San really the chances of Brittany being involved is even less, she said herself she was going to be a lady that lunches this week." Rachel leaned across the kitchen counter.

"Why are they both going through to voicemail? Damn it Q you promised you would never turn your phone off." Santana marched back into the living room to stare at the TV. "Fuck the death toll has jumped to forty nine, what kind of sick fuckers do this?" Rachel was now trying Brittany herself also getting voicemail. _'Sexy and I know it...'_ bounced around the silent flat. "Judy? Hi...no I haven't heard from her...I just saw it on the news...I am sure she is fine and just in a meeting...you know Quinn busy taking over the world...what...no no no...I promise as soon as I hear anything...and you me...thanks Judy." Santana went to sit but really collapsed into the sofa. "That was Judy, said she hadn't heard anything so she called Q's work, they said...they said..." Rachel felt her stomach drop as she ran over. "Said what San?" Santana had tears spilling down her cheeks as she looked over to her friend. "They said she never made it into work...they have her registered as missing." Rachel could feel the calmness she had been holding onto evaporate.

Silence wasn't something Santana was used to living with Rachel and Brittany usually she relished the odd silent moment, right now she would give anything to hear some sort of noise other than the shrill of emergency sirens in the background of the news. "What do we do? Why haven't they called and where is Brittany, please god I beg you, please let my Britt be okay, please?" Rachel stayed rooted to the spot in the kithen. "The apartment San call the apartment on the landline." Santana grabbed her phone again and dialled. "Of course Britt will still be at the apartment, Rach why didn't I think of that and she will tell us where Q is and everything will be fine." Rachel tried to swallow down some water but struggled knowing calling the apartment was a long shot_. 'Hi your through to Quinn I'm not home right now, and yes S, B is just fine leave a message'_ "B, B you there? Please baby pick up. Q? One of you please please please pick up the phone, please?" Santana begged into the phone knowing they weren't there. Rachel had continued to keep trying their cell phones only to realise now that their voicemails were full.

_BREAKING NEWS 'We can now confirm the current death toll is sixty four, you are advised to call the number listed below if you are concerned about any friends or family members.'_ Rachel jotted down the number and started dialling listen to the numerous menu options and being told to hold. After what felt like forever Rachel was able to speak to someone. "Miss we already have a Ms Quinn Fabray listed as missing from her work, do you want me to include Mrs Brittany Lopez on our system just in case?" Rachel nodded but realised they couldn't see her. "Yes, yes please she is..." Santana had moved into her bedroom to get away from the TV she couldn't turn it off but couldn't watch it anymore. "Fuck." Santana cursed as she noticed the time on her phone, realising the bombings had taken place over six hours ago London time, she pulled her knees into her chest and just rocked pack and forth all the while praying for her phone to ring. "San? San? I've registered Brittany as a missing person so if she shows up at any hospitals the US embassy will get in contact with us." Santana gazed up at her friend. "This is your fault" she ground out angrily. "My fault? How?" Santana was on her feet storming past Rachel. "How is it not Berry? If it wasn't for you Q wouldn't have even been in London, and my Brittany, she would have, she would be here with me where she belongs. If anything has happened to either of them, so help me Berry." Rachel was taken aback by the return of high school Santana. "We both know that's not true. I couldn't stop Quinn leaving, no one could." Santana just shook her head. "That is where you are wrong, if you had of loved her enough she would have stayed, she wanted to stay but you drove her away. YOU!" Santana shoved her finger into Rachel's chest. "Take that back Santana. TAKE IT BACK!" Rachel shouted. "Berry she loved you, loved you so much but it wasn't enough for you was it. She wasn't arty enough you found her business like mind embarrassing with your theatre friends." Rachel was shocked how did she know that? "I never said that, not in that way. I loved Quinn."

Santana swallowed hard too worked up to hear the key in the door. "Loved being the operative word. LOVED! Damn it that girl would have flown to the moon for you, and you wouldn't change your life plan one inch. Your Rachel Fucking Berry you don't give for anyone." Santana didn't know where all this anger was coming from. "You don't know what you're talking about. You have no idea what happened between us." Rachel spat back. "No your right I don't know what went down between you that night. All I do know is that I lost my best friend. My best friend! Who is now missing?" Santana had lost her fight and buckled towards the ground

'_Sexy and I know it...'_ Santana leapt for her phone on the coffee table. "Hello? Judy? Judy I can't understand you...please slow down...w..wh..what...no no no..." Santana dropped her phone and fell to her knees. Rachel made a grab for the phone "Judy...Judy...its Rachel...oh...no...no I...I...I...okay." Rachel couldn't believe what she had just heard, as she ran to the toilet to throw up.

Santana felt Rachel slip down the wall next to her to land on the floor. "Berry tells me this is a dream. Or that Judy is playing some horrendous joke on us." Santana could feel the tears rolling down her cheeks. "I don't understand. An hour ago you were moaning at me for singing, and now...now Quinn is missing presumed dead by the American Embassy. How? How is this possible?" Rachel much like Santana couldn't find any words staying silent in their prayers. "We have to stay strong, all Judy said is they found Quinn's wallet at the scene of one of the bombings. There was no mention of..." Rachel didn't finish as they heard the shrill of _'Sexy and I know it...'_ "Brittany...on my god...thank god your safe...baby I don't know what I would do without you...I love you...baby ssshhhh...I'm getting on the first flight I can...baby I promise everything will be okay...Britt who are you with? Are you with friends?...okay baby...I know." Santana shut the door behind her to give them some privacy.

Rachel still hadn't moved from the wall, just sat staring into space. "Brittany is safe she was in the West End when it happened, stayed at a friend's place last night." Santana looked at Rachel on the floor and kicked her foot. "Berry, Berry get up. Judy will be here soon and she doesn't need to see us like this, so get the fuck up." Rachel still didn't move it was like she had lost the use of her legs. "Berry, I'm not Brittany I don't know how to be nice. So please get the fuck up. We need to be strong now and stick together. Brittany said there has been a number of people that were missing that have shown up fine. We need to think positive."

Santana could see she wasn't getting through to Rachel so bent down in front of her. "Rachel Judy is coming here. She wants to be in London. And I want to see Brittany so I said I would go with her. Q is fine I just know it. So please for me, for Judy, for Quinn get up." Rachel at last came out of her zombie state. "Of course." Rachel Berry was a fighter and no one phone call from the American Embassy was going to stop her.

Terminal One, JFK

"Thanks B; okay we are on standby so as soon as we know what flight I will text you okay baby. I love you too." Santana slips her phone into her pocket and turns to face Judy; the woman hasn't spoken since they left the apartment. Santana is way out of her depth here, how do you comfort someone who may have just lost their daughter. Brittany would know what to do, so would Rachel, in fact where was she? "Brittany said she would meet us at the airport once we know what time our flight is." With no response from Judy Santana just sat down. "Thank you so much for your help, I really appreciate it." Recognising the voice Santana looked up to see Rachel approaching them. "What the fuck Berry? Where have you been?" Santana hissed pulling the brunette by her elbow away from Judy. "We are on the 22:35 to Heathrow." Rachel pressed the boarding passes into Santana's hand. "How?" Was all she could splutter out? "The CEO of Delta is a huge fan of mine; his daughter and I were friends in college. So I called in a favour." Santana was never more thankful for theatre geeks than right now. "Judy we need to stay strong. Have you heard anything else?" Rachel asked as she pulled the woman into a hug, feel the shake of a head Rachel sighed. "No news is good news right."

Santana glanced over to Rachel wishing she could help comforting Judy. The only people Santana ever hugged were Brittany, her Mum, Rachel when forced to and of course Quinn, she used to hug Quinn. "Your fathers did say it could be a mistake about Quinn that with the number of bodies there could be some confusion, it could be someone else. Oh god...what kind of person does that make me wishing this onto another mother another family." Judy pulled Rachel in closer and continued to cry, Rachel had had the same conversation with her Dad as well, and he was crime scene investigator so knew what he was talking about. Rachel was going to cling to what her Dad had said as if her life depended on it. "Berry a word please." Santana waved over to her. "What did your Dad say to Judy about this all being a mistake?" Rachel looked into her friend's sad eyes seeing the hope there, that desperation for something to hold onto to believe Quinn was still with them. "He just said that it could be case of mistaken identity and that in situations like this with a lot of casualties it is possible for mistakes to happen. Just that until we get confirmation of a body...see with our own eyes we should keep hoping." Santana just nodded not really taking it in, she was trying to be the strong one for Judy and Brittany knowing she would fall apart.

"Excuse me Judy...hello?...B...I can see her...I know I promise I will look after her...I love you too...bye." Rachel looked from Santana at the bar back to Judy. "That was Brittany asking me to look after San, knowing she would be struggling trying to be strong. I can't even begin to imagine if Brittany was still missing." Rachel left Judy on the phone to one of her sisters and went to join Santana in the bar. "Remember when we flew back from Miami and they wouldn't let you and Q on the plane because you were too drunk." Santana didn't answer and kept sipping at her drink. "I thought Q was going to puke on me and Brittany just spent the whole time making you say silly things saying repeat after me." Santana smacked her glass down hard on the bar. "I know I was there." Rachel ordered herself a shot of vodka and knocked it back. "All I remember from that flight is Quinn saying to me she was never drinking again. Of course I didn't believe her and I think she lasted till the weekend before she drank again." Rachel smiled remembering the hung-over blonde when they eventually landed in JFK. "I refuse to believe she is gone...Quinn, Q, Q-ball, Quinnie, you know my Quinn. I just don't believe it." Rachel risked putting her hand over Santana's and squeezed it. "I know S, trust me I know, she is our Quinn and no one can replace that or all the memories the four of us have together." Santana sighed as she ordered another drink. "I don't know what I will do. Fuck I cried so hard when she just left for London, even then I felt like I had lost her." Santana took Quinn leaving New York the hardest. "You haven't lost her, and you never did. Quinn loves you like a sister you know that, I think apart from me you are the only other person she said I love you too, well and B of course. Even Judy only got an 'of course you do' when she said it to Quinn." Santana smiled at the reminder, Judy used to go nuts when she would tell the girls she loved them and they would all chorus back 'of course you do' copying Quinn. "Jude's would flip her head when Quinn said that to her, I bet she would give anything to hear her say it now." Rachel closed her eyes remembering the smile Quinn would get when she wound her Mum up, it was a treat to see the twinkle in her eye.

"Do you remember when she was learning the piano trying to woo you at Judy's advice after she had read it in some romance novel?" Santana asked, and was met was a confused look on Rachel's face. "No she never told me." "Yeah Jude's had read in a novel about the girl falling in love with the pianist at the bar not knowing who it was as she was blind, but she just knew the way he played the piano with such love that he was the one for her. Someone else pretended to be him but she knew because he didn't play with love, blah blah blah. Anyway when Quinn eventually got some balls and confessed her love for you to Jude's, she decided this would be the perfect way for her to woo you." Rachel was transfixed with the story and could feel a small smile on her lips. "So Q took lessons from Brad every time after Glee to learn one piece to perfection and play it for you, hoping you would feel the love she put into the piece knowing it was for you." Rachel never remembered Quinn playing the piano in Glee. "What piece was it?" Rachel was desperate to know. "Oh it was quite famous erm...you would think I would remember it I heard it enough times...erm." Santana struggled to remember. "It was Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven, she said it was because the first time she realised she loved you was in the moonlight, the way the light fell on your face making your eyes stand out amongst the shadows still shining full of the moonlight, it was captivating. I always remember her telling me that." Rachel was speechless as Judy sat at the bar next to the two friends. "She never played it for me." Judy smiled sadly at the girl she had grown to love so much. "Oh she did, do you remember when there was that pool party senior year and you came in saying." Rachel cut in. "It was my favourite piece and went to find out who was playing." Rachel lowered her head."Yep Quinn was playing and was going to tell you how she felt that night but Hudson announced your engagement before you worked out who was playing." Santana helpfully filled in. "I remember that night so well, Quinn never said a word and just stuck her game face on as she called it pretended like she hadn't spent three months learning that one piece and driving poor Santana, Brittany and I mad learning it." Santana lifted her glass towards Judy in memory.

The three women sat in silence each lost in their own memories of Quinn as they waited to be called for boarding. "I still can't believe Quinn learned the piano for me." Rachel confessed. "Girl she would have done anything for you. When it came to you she couldn't see straight excuse the pun. You without even knowing it had such a hold on her, you could make or break her day with no knowledge that you held her heart in your hands. She tried to tell you after graduation at McKinley." Judy nodded in agreement. "Santana stopped her, we knew you weren't ready." Rachel felt angry all of a sudden. "How dare you, who were you to interfere and know what I was feeling, it took us another three years before we got together and that was only because Santana got drunk." Santana lifted her head and looked towards Rachel. "It also only took you 18 months to break her." Rachel shoved her stool into the bar and stormed off. "Santana leave her be. It's a lot for her to take in. You know Quinn never blamed her and she hated you taking pot shots at Rachel." Santana scoffed. "Yeah well maybe Quinn was more forgiving than I am. I am still slightly bitter." _BREAKING NEWS 'Death toll has now reached over 100, with 6 US Nationals confirmed amongst the dead, more updates after the break.' _"Such awful news, can I get you ladies another?" The barman asked. "No I'm fine thanks." Judy shook her head and they both stared at the screen showing the devastation of the bombs wondering where Quinn was when it happened.

"That was the longest but somehow the shortest flight ever." Judy nodded in agreement. "I know I just keep thinking about how excited I was last time I was in London, seeing Quinnie and her new life." As Judy said it she couldn't but notice Rachel winces. "The sooner the US adds the UK as the 51st state the happier I will be, having to go through all this immigration shit." Santana moaned taking in the queue in front of them. "Santana I highly doubt that will happen considering the rich tapestry of history the UK has as an independent country, even back as short a time as 4 years ago the population voted against joining the single currently again. British people are very proud of their pound and..." Santana rubbed at her temples. "Shut it hobbit, I have a headache and I just want to have my wife's arms around me. So just shut the fuck up." Judy rubbed at the crick in her neck she had been listening to the two of them for the last 8 hours; she wondered how Quinn put up with them. "Halle-fucking-lujah I am at the front, I'll see you two out front I want to see Britt's." Rachel nodded watching the brunette take off to find her wife. "Security is really tight at the moment I guess." Rachel commented. "Understandable you don't know when these lunatics will strike again." Judy could feel tears building again thinking about the reasons that brought the three of them here today. "We are here to take Quinn home." Rachel reached for Judy's hand, all her gusto from before the flight had faded after reading about the horror that had unfolded in London in the newspapers.

"B, oh my god you are here in my arms." Santana had sprinted towards Brittany as soon as she saw her and was now swinging her around in her arms. "I love you so much baby." Brittany was kissing Santana all over her face almost like it was a dream they were together again. "Never leave me again; I was so scared something had happened to you." Brittany just pulled her wife closer never wanting to let go. "Quinn." Brittany whispered into her ear and they both broke down crying for their lost friend, not wanting to believe she could be gone. "I know sweetie I know." Santana had felt heartbreak before between her and Brittany but this was a different kind of pain like part of her had been taken away and there was no way to get it back. "How are Judy and Rachel holding up?" They still hadn't let go of each other so were talking low in each other's ears. "Judy is just about holding it together, Rachel I don't know I can't work her out. One minute she is all determined that Quinn is still alive and that it's all some mistake the next she just stares into space." Brittany kissed her wife on the cheek trying to catch some of the tears that were still falling. "Well I am going to have to be strong for all three of you. Q always said I was the strongest, said you went all girlie and wimpy when it was someone close to you, Rachel is a diva drama queen and well Judy..." Brittany choked back on the last couple of words.

"You are welcome Santana." Rachel huffed dumping her bag down at her feet. "Judy I am so sorry to see you under these circumstances." Brittany pulled Judy into one of her famous hugs. "Quinn is a wonderful wonderful woman and an amazing friend to me. I'm broken at my missing clam so I can't begin to imagine what you are going through." Judy did her best to blink back her tears as Brittany held her. "Thank you Brittany it means a lot." Brittany next attacked Rachel in a hug. "Aw Rachel I just can't I always thought you two would get together again, this stupid separation thing was only meant to be temporary." Rachel grabbed onto Brittany's jumper and let out a sob. "I can't...she can't be gone...B...I don't know what I would do without her." Brittany tried to sooth her friend ignoring the angry glares from her wife. "Shall we go?" Brittany suggested leading the way out of the airport; Judy was on her phone with Brittany guiding Rachel out of the terminal. "

Traffic was hell in London with so much of the public transport out of order due to the attacks. "I hope they find the bastards that did this." The taxi driver stated as they crawled through more traffic as another ambulance went screeching past. "I remember the warnings from years about Syria and no one seemed to pay attention. We won't let them beat us though. I heard people were queuing to get back on the trains and tube this morning." Rachel had a tight smile on her face trying to engage the driver in conversation. "Sir I don't mean to be rude, but well it's due to the bombings we are here. So if we could change the subject." The driver nodded his head. "Shit sorry. It's the London way. We just carry on, you have to. I am sorry." As the taxi pulled up outside the 1920's mansion block in Hackney Santana gripped her wives hand harder. "Be strong baby." Brittany soothed.

"Keep the change mate." Brittany leaned in the window. "Thanks love. I hope your friend is okay." Even in these circumstances Santana smiled at her wife, so natural and comfortable now in London. "I don't think I can go in, this is the first time I have been back since..." Brittany didn't need to finish the sentence as Santana knew what she meant. "I would have thought Q would have moved closer to the city, she was making good money. I could have seen her swanking around Mayfair." Brittany smiled at the thought of Quinn in Mayfair she hated it there. "God no Sanny Mayfair was like a swearword to Q, she was fed up of being considered the usual American only going to tourist haunts and the posh areas. She loved it here in Hackney and the local area, she considered it her London." Santana had only been across twice before when Quinn first moved and then again when Brittany first came over. "She redecorated the apartment." Santana commented the moment they walked into the apartment. "No baby it is called a flat here, because well it's flat." Brittany giggled at her own comment. It wasn't a big place but it had two bedrooms, living room separate kitchen and bathroom. It was an ex council apartment with high ceilings and a beautiful bay window in the bedroom. "She was so excited when she found this place do you remember?" Santana nodded remembering Quinn bouncing up and down, and the girl rarely bounced up and down.

Rachel hovered by the door, not sure if she should waltz in like Santana and Brittany had. "Go in dear." Judy gently nudged her inside. "I see Quinne finally got round to getting rid of that hideous green wall." Judy commented from the living room. "Yes Judy, I said if I was going to be her roommate it had to go. It made me feel weird. Sea sick even." Brittany shouted from the kitchen. Santana had dropped her suitcase in Brittany's now packed up bedroom, walking down the hall saw Quinn's bedroom door was shut still. "So I thought Judy we could make up the sofa bed for you. And Rachel you can share with San and me. It's a huge bed so plenty of room." No one wanted to stay in Quinn's bed with the girl still missing. "Sounds like a plan. Of course you won't be woken by a drunken Q jumping on you in the morning this time Jude's..." Santana didn't finish her sentence as she remembered why they were all here to begin with.

"There is nothing much we can do here, so why don't we go out. Get some food, or a drink. Just something I can't just sit here waiting for news." Rachel rambled knowing it was late in the day and they probably wouldn't hear anything else till tomorrow. "I agree with Rachel, why don't we go to the Dolphin pub? Quinn's favourite before it went all hipster on her." Brittany cut in knowing Santana was about to say something else. "I am just going to stay here. I want to feel close to Quinn." Judy replied sitting on the sofa. "You sure Judy? We can all stay here." Santana looked concerned at her friends Mum; she looked like she had aged ten years in the last 24 hours. "Yes, I have some calls to make. And I would rather be on my own." Rachel and Brittany nodded as the three left Judy to her own thoughts.

"Did Quinn ever get over the Dolphin changing from a dive bar to a hipster hangout?" Rachel asked as they crossed the road. "No she found some other bars to go to, we still came here as it is so close." Santana walked straight to the bar and ordered a shot of double vodka for each of them. "Brittany I thought you left? Is Quinn with you? She left her iPad in here last night" Peter one of the owners questioned as he poured the drinks. Santana felt Rachel whimper next to her and reached for her hand giving it a squeeze. "No Peter, Quinn's not with us. Not sure if you remember me or not. I'm Santana, Brittany's wife." Peter's face broke into a huge grin. "Santana fucking Lopez, who was going to go all Lima heights on me because I said you had drunk me out of tequila gold." Rachel snorted in amusement. "That's me." Santana beamed in pride with a slight recollection of that night. "Quinn is missing, assumed dead from the bombings."

"Santana!" Rachel shrieked. "Shit I am so sorry guys. These are on me." Peter looked shocked. "What it's the truth no point in sugar coating it." Brittany sighed knowing how tonight was going to end, when dealing with bad news Santana would drink and get angry, and then cry. "Sanny baby, maybe we should just go back to the flat." Santana shook her head. "No Britt's I can't. All I can think of is Quinn there. Here I can handle, we had fun here." Brittany just kissed her wife and moved them away from the bar. "What you doing Santana?" Rachel questioned as Santana opened up Quinn's iPad. "Quinn was always so secretive about this thing. I just like the feeling of winding her up, knowing I have her precious iPad in my hand." Brittany rolled her eyes remembering Quinn going crazy at Santana for even touching it. "Santana fucking Lopez!" Peter called from the bar.

Santana made her way over to be greeted with a bottle of tequila gold. "Quinn bought this ready for your next visit. To me it seems right to have a toast to her safe return." Santana could feel the tears starting again as she tried in vain to stop them falling. "I know it has been 48 hours, but Quinn was tough as shit. I saw her knock a man out cold here one night when he was mouthing off to Lenny the bouncer. So if anyone survived the blast it's her. To Quinn." Santana raised her shot glass and clinked glasses with Peter. "San we need to get back to Judy." Rachel's voice was higher than usual, something has happened. "The American Embassy called." Santana didn't wait to hear the rest and was out the door with her tequila and the iPad in hand.

Santana walked in to find Judy rocking on the end of the sofa. Without looking up Judy spoke. "There was a voicemail from the American Embassy. A coroner contacted them. There is a body. My phone wasn't working, the service has been patchy and it just came up. Five hours ago. Five! I have been sitting her with hope for five hours and all along Quinn been on her own at a coroner. On her own Santana whilst I sat here for five hours. I have to call to confirm a time to identify the...body." The wind was knocked out of Santana as Judy never looked at her, just continued staring at her phone. "Five hours. Quinn is by herself. I should call. Five hours, on her own." Rachel knew the second she followed Brittany into the living room. "Five hours. We should call. We should see Quinnie. It's been five hours." Judy kept talking. "I think she is in shock Britt's. Can we get a doctor or something to calm her down?" Santana tried to take the phone out of Judy's hand. "No I have to call Quinn, let her know I am coming. Mummy is coming Quinn." After the third try Santana managed to get the phone as Judy sobbed into Rachel's arms.

"We are confirmed for 9am tomorrow it is Walbrook Wharf, 78-83 Upper Thames Street, London EC4R 3TD." Santana stated to Brittany in the kitchen. "Due to the amount of casualties they are working 24 hours. They did stress it might not be Quinn, but to prepare ourselves for the worst. God Britt's I am trying to stay positive but I am drowning here." Brittany pulled her wife into her arms as they cried silently in the dark kitchen. A doctor had sedated Judy an hour earlier, as Rachel sat with the sleeping Judy in the living room. "Baby we have to be strong for Judy. I know you are hurting, but we are all Judy has at the moment. So be strong for her, strong for Quinn." Santana took a deep breath to compose herself. "Tomorrow is going to be a long day. Let's try and get some sleep." Brittany suggested seeing was already 2am.

The closer the four of them got to the coroner's office the quieter they got, no one wanted to go in and have their worst fears confirmed. "It's so quiet." Brittany remarked about the streets in the City. "The last time I was here the streets were bustling full of all the city workers in their suits going about their day, I don't like it quiet." Santana put her arms around her wives waist. "I know sweetie but London has taken a hard hit this week, over two hundred confirmed dead." Rachel felt sick at the thought of the events earlier on in the week. "London will bounce back it always does, it's that never say die attitude that keeps them going." As they stood just near London Bridge the four women could see what made Quinn love about the city. "The next day people were back on the trains. Determined not let the bastards win." Brittany confirmed. The other three women looked on in shock at Brittany swearing she never swore.

"We are here." Judy said as they reached the coroner's office, it was busy and she didn't know where to begin, thankfully Santana stepped in. "Hi we have an appointment with Dr Cromwell to...identify a body." Santana squeezed her eyes closed and the opened them again. "Quinn Fabray. Maybe you have her as Lucy Quinn Fabray" The receptionist took their details and asked them to wait in the meeting room. "Mrs Fabray?" A middle aged kind looking man enquired after about five minutes of waiting. "If you can follow me?" Judy reached for Santana's hand to come with her. "I can't do this on my own." Santana was surprised but jumped up. "I am sure you can understand we do sadly have a lot of bodies here at the moment and we are working as fast as we can to find the cause of death and identify the bodies. Give families the time they need to heal. Before we go in I have to warn you that the body was badly injured in the explosion so you will have to identify her by any other kinds of distinguishing marks, previous scars a tattoo perhaps?" Santana didn't want to go in bit she knew Judy needed her. "We have requested her dental records from the US as well but there is a delay at the moment. I know this will be very difficult for you so please take your time." Santana and Judy followed the doctor into the room to where the body was stored; one was already pulled out with a blanket over the top. "As I said please take your time this is always a very difficult process I just need you to confirm this is Lucy Quinn Fabray and then I can leave you alone." The doctor pulled the blanket back and Santana couldn't hide her horror at Quinn's face it was unrecognisable, completely blown off just leaving raw flesh exposed she could feel the bile rising in her throat and ran to find a bin. "Oh my god Quinnie." Judy gasped at the body. "Are there any previous scars, birthmarks perhaps?" Dr Cromwell asked gently. "She had some scars on her stomach and also one on her right arm like mine." Judy pushed her sleeve back to show her scar, Dr Cromwell went to exam the right arm but it had been blown apart so there was no way of telling. So moved onto the stomach again due to the impact it was impossible to identify. Judy tried to hold back her sobs at the tangled body in front of her not wanting to believe it was Quinn. "I see she had a tattoo on her left here." Judy felt a glimmer of hope Quinn didn't have a tattoo. "It's not Quinn. It's not her she doesn't have a tattoo." Santana wiped at her mouth after chewing some gum and came back, she could see the elation Judy had and didn't want to be the one to break it, and tears filled her eyes as she tried to find her voice. "Judy I am so sorry, Quinn got this done about three months ago she loved the lyrics from a particular song and the hope at the end _'and soon the sun will come with healing in its wings, to wash away your tears and make you new'_."Judy gasped and collapsed in tears as Santana had confirmed this faceless body was indeed her daughters.

Every time the door opened Rachel and Brittany jumped up. "They have been in there too long." Rachel whispered to Brittany with big tears pooling in her eyes, one blink and they would be rolling down her cheeks. "I know." Brittany confirmed with her own tears in her eyes. "Thank you for coming today Mrs Fabray and I am so sorry for your loss, if you need anything please call the number listed below on the documents I have given to you." Rachel felt her heart stop, sorry for your loss was ringing in her ears so it was true it really was Quinn, she was never going to see her again, hold her, kiss her, hear her laugh. Rachel fell back onto the seat behind and burst into tears mumbling incoherently as Brittany moved forward and scooped Judy and Santana up in her arms trying her best to hold the two sobbing women. After some time had passed Brittany moved them over to the seats and ordered some sweet tea for everyone to drink. "I had to confirm it was Q I had to break Judy's heart she didn't know Q got a tattoo so she thought it wasn't her. Britt's I had to do it, I had to tell Judy it was Quinn." Santana just about managed to sob the last part out before she was crying again. Brittany had called for a taxi to take them back to the flat, it felt like they had been with the coroner for hours but the time on dash of the taxi only read 09:43.

Rachel and Judy still hadn't said a word as Brittany guided them into the living room thinking it was best for none of them to be alone at the moment. "Santana what was the song that Quinn loved so much to adorn her body forever with the lyrics?" It was the first time Judy had spoken in hours and Santana looked up surprised. "Erm it was by Matthew Perry something it's an old song, hang on I think I might have it on my iPhone." Santana searched around in her handbag for her iPhone. Rachel still hadn't said anything and just sat on the sofa with her legs pulled into herself. "Yes, yes I've got it hang on." Santana plugged her iPhone into the docking station and hit play as the piano chords rang out, Rachel snapped her head up and felt new tears spilling down her cheeks, Quinn used to listen to this on repeat whenever she struggling with anything. When the song reached 'and_ soon the sun will come with healing in its wings, to wash away your tears and make you new, here's to you' _Judy let out another cry for her lost daughter and how she will never see the sun come out again.


End file.
